Moving Day!

Thanks for following us here!

Carnal Abuse by Deceit is moving to a new, more robust, and easier to navigate location. The infrastructure is set, and the data our participants have supplied on this site will be moved to our new address.

Please use the following URL to check out new developments on sexual assault by fraud laws (there's a lot happening), add to the growing database of offender information, and participate in the conversation that can help victims become survivors!

http://www.RapeByFraud.com
You can also click Carnal Abuse by Deceit in the upper right corner of this page (under "My Blog List,) for a quick link.

Hope to see you there soon!
Joyce

BETRAYAL BOND PHENOMENON Did the Rice's marry for love or something else?

Ray Rice was charged with 3rd degree Aggravated Assault against his fiancee, Janay Palmer, on May 27th. According to Jim McClain, Atlantic City Prosecutor, first offense cases of this nature would rarely result in jail time in Atlantic County, NJ, where the offense took place, but it could result in a criminal record. It was likely that Rice, a star NFL player for the Ravens, would have been placed on probation. Ray Rice and Janay married the following day, and Janay declined to press charges.

The new Mrs. Rice's behavior resembles so many victims of domestic assault and abuse in which the offender charms the victim with promises of rehabilitation and pledges their sincere and undying love and fidelity. While others standby and scratch their heads incredulously, thinking, "Can't she see she's being conned by someone who can't control their aggression?" the victim may be blinded by a Betrayal Bond.

Betrayal Bonds are like toxic glue in the brain. Assault is a form of betrayal which triggers an immediate trauma to the condition of being "loved" by the offender. Domestic violence upsets the normal flow of oxytocin, the brain's "love" molecule as well as creating a surge of adrenaline. A marriage conducted subsequent to such trauma could be taking place while the victim is undergoing an adrenaline related "mis-attribution affect."

Couples often feel the result of mis-attribution by experiencing exhilaration-producing circumstances together, such as riding roller coasters, parachuting, or engaging in activities where there's an element of danger. They will often walk away from the activity holding hands or with their arms around each other. How many romantic relationships have been sparked by the county fair?

Betrayal bonds are a heightened sense of attachment that lie in the inner recesses of a person's unconscious brain. While they motivate conscious behavior, they lay completely obscured from view by the victim. Often it takes considerable negative interaction with the perpetrator for the victim to come to grips with reality and break free. Some, like Reeva Steenkamp, the victim of Oscar Pistorius's violent shooting, don't live long enough to walk away.

Those of us who survived the betrayals of disordered loved ones, and either walked away or were discarded by them, are the lucky ones. Although the pain of separation seemed unendurable at the time, and our losses seemed unfathomable, we were freed from the betrayal bond to live our lives in reality, and hopefully, in peace.

Two current cases of abuse- Are they the results of psychopathy?

I watched the final decision on the case against Oscar Pistorius at the ungodly hour of 3:30 this morning. The trial took place in South Africa, so I found my eyes closing and my head bobbing  as I struggled to be awake enough to deal with the timezone difference between Capetown and NYC. To me, this case's importance was just too relevant to miss! 

The Judge, Thokozile Matilda Masipa, had already decided Pistorius was not guilty of the two most serious murder offenses he was charged with. There's no jury trial for murder in South Africa. It's all up to the Judge and her two advisers. Her determination was based on intent, one of the most difficult characteristics to prove in a crime. Doing so requires getting into the mindset of the offender, something that no one can accomplish with exact certainty. 

But surely, the story from Pistorius was riddled with unbelievability. For one thing, he claimed he thought he was shooting at an intruder who hid behind the closed bathroom door. If he truly felt an intruder was there, he would have turned to the person lying next to him in bed to say something like, "Did you hear that?" The brief encounter, that would be normal for any reasonable person, would have made him notice that Reeva was not tucked in beside him, and would have caused him to consider whether the noise was from Reeva, herself, rather than an intruder. 

A reasonable person would have thought first about what action would protect his loved one. Instead, he wants us to believe that his lack of consideration for her unknown whereabouts, before he fired into a closed door, was an effort to create protection for them both.

Fifteen years is the maximum sentence he could receive for the reckless endangerment that the court acknowledged cost Reeva her life. Can't think of a solitary reason why Pistorius should receive any less than the maximum sentence.

And why shoot without warning? Why four bullets through a closed door? Wouldn't the evident moaning of a female voice have caused him some concern? Did he really expect his home invader was female?

Court cases hinge on proof, not accuracy or even truth. Although we can contemplate that what likely happened was a contentious argument in which Reeva threatened to leave, common sense would suggest that Pistorius became so enraged, he picked up the gun and showed her that she could only leave on his power-crazed terms. The Judge found that the Prosecutor's case was simply not compelling enough which does not mean the events did not unfold the way logic dictates; but simply that proof was insufficient. 

We all know that world class athletes produce world class testosterone levels. It's what propels them into soaring achievements and bolsters their competitive drive. According to Dr. Paul Zak in his book, The Moral Molecule, heightened testosterone can also have the deleterious affect of counteracting the level of oxytocin, that would provide humanity, love, trust and caring. Not all athletes have this imbalance, but it's not an unusual phenomenon. 

Without appropriate oxytocin levels and oxytocin responses, a person develops without affective empathy and conscience. Those of us who have fallen victim to psychopaths all know the impact of lack of conscience. Reeva Steenkamp paid the ultimate price for not knowing. 

Janay Rice, the wife of Ravens football star, Ray Rice, was knocked out cold by a fist in the face from her husband, who proceeded to callously drag her limp, unconscious body from the hotel elevator where the incident took place. Instead of being overwhelmed with remorse when he saw her go down, dropping to the floor alongside her with concern, gathering her in his arms and hollering for help, he expects us to think that callously and calmly dragging her out of the elevator was a more appropriate response. 

Rice has been fired from the Ravens, and the media is full of debate as to whether or not losing one's job over a domestic violence issue is an appropriate consequence. Many say that if Rice were an Accountant or held a job that didn't put him on the world stage, he would still be employed. But isn't that the point of being on the world stage? Doesn't his hefty pay-check and notoriety carry some public responsibility with it? Do we want our children's morality compromised by ignoring publicly distributed footage of outright domestic abuse from a role model?

Does Janay's subsequent denial that things are woefully wrong in their household smack of a "Betrayal Bond?" Weren't all survivors of psychopathic abuse once at the point where they justified heinous acts by loved ones in order to attempt to salvage being "loved" by them? Let's hope Janay's avoidance does not provoke another Reeva Steenkamp-like incident from a testosterone laced, world class athlete, who can't keep his rage in check. 

Redefining Rape: Sexual Penetration Without "Knowing Consent"

In addition to sexual sanctity defined as "the right to contraception," society needs to address the criminal concept of rape or sexual assault, today's more politically correct term. Either could be defined as penetration without knowing consent, rather than the complicated constructs in penal code. Lack of continuity from state to state, alone, indicates that there's a gross failure to establish appropriate conduct in society.

Duplicity invalidates consent in all human interaction. Criminal code penalizes the use of duplicity in depriving a victim of their worldly goods, but in most states, depriving them of their self determination regarding sexual penetration is not dealt with. The line of demarcation between seduction and rape is VALID consent, yet punishing offenders is all too rare.

Whether by use of dope, alcohol, physical overpowering, preying on underage victims, or preying on people who are mentally deficient, all forms of criminally penalized rape lack knowing consent. Why then does "rape by fraud," which lacks knowing consent, get penalized in only a handful of states? Is it because our legislators want to preserve their ability to seduce people by lying or distorting? Is it because the many voters who used ploys to circumvent a victim's consent are so numerous they could diminish the chances of re-election?

Even Socrates was aware of the harm in rape by fraud: "Then again, the fact that he uses not force but persuasion makes him most detestable because a lover who forces himself is a villain, but one who uses persuasion ruins the character of the one who consents."

Hats off to Dateline for covering a recent case of rape by fraud in New Jersey, in which charges were brought against William Allen Jordan, a convicted bigamist and child molester. Society needs awareness of this defiling behavior in real life situations, not only in comedies like "Think Like a Man" or the drama of "Mad Men." Both depict cases of rape by fraud.

The blame for rape by fraud  is commonly laid at the feet of the victim for being "gullible" rather than the offender for preying on people who simply, like all of humanity, want to be loved. Being gullible is not a crime. Raping someone is. The offender knows they are conducting duplicity. The awareness or lack of it, by the victim, does not entitle the offender to take what is not rightfully theirs, as in every other case of criminally penalized fraud.

Our Unity Has the Power to Make a Radical Change

Although Judge John Tomasello flatly refused to issue a restraining order to protect Mischele Lewis, the alleged victim of 2nd degree sexual assault by coercion, his decision was rendered to the trash heap where it belonged a mere fifteen days later.

As a result of the media exposure from my article on this issue, I was contacted by Michelle Noberto, the outraged mother of a prior sexual assault victim.  ”Nicoles Law”, named for her daughter, which makes restraining orders automatic in sexual assault cases, had been grossly overlooked.  Ms. Noberto immediately rolled up her sleeves and demanded that the Prosecutor in Burlington County issue a “Nicole’s Law” restraining order forthwith. On June 20^th, only 15 days subsequent to Tomasello’s irresponsible ruling, Mischele Lewis was informed that she has a temporary order to protect herself and her family that had been issued back in April. No one in the district Attorney's office had bothered to let her know. And Judge Tomasello had failed to recognize her rights as well. If William Allen Jordan is convicted of the sexual assault charge, the temporary “Nicole’s Law” order will become permanent.

Victims of rape by fraud exist throughout the US, and throughout the world. By coming together to support each other and call out for protections and justice in a public way, we can, and are making a difference.

The case against William Allen Jordan goes before the Grand Jury tomorrow. If the indictment holds up, there will be a trial, and all of us will have the opportunity to emotionally support Mischele Lewis and witness the case against a notorious sexual con artist first hand. We all know that justice is less about truth and more about proof, but the concept alone that Burlington County clearly saw this predator’s wrongdoing as a criminal offense is a victory, in itself, for all of us.

Judge in William Allen Jordan Case Hurls Victim's Rights Back to the Stone Ages

6/5/14- Burlington County NJ- Although New Jersey revamped their sexual assault laws in 2012, today, Family Court Judge John Tomasello proved those changes could be easily undermined by a judge who’s a misogynist dinosaur.

Lewis's Case Against Jordan

Burlington County resident, Mishcelle Lewis, had petitioned the court for a restraining order against convicted bigamist and child molester, William Allen Jordan. Jordan currently awaits trial on charges of 2^nd Degree Sexual Assault by Coercion, Robbery by Fraud and Impersonating an Officer. He is currently housed in a special protective section of the Burlington County jail designated for sexual predators. His case history includes failure to register as a sex offender.

Jordan Gets Escorted Back to His Cell

Mischele and I outside the courthouse

Lewis was represented by Stanley Gregory, who minced no words laying out the facts. Lewis met Jordan in January, 2013 on a dating website. They corresponded, met several times and began a sexual relationship on April 26, 2013. He lied about his name, his age, his marital history, claimed to be adopted, educated in the UK, had no children, owned a house worth $700K, worked for the British Ministry of Defense, and a myriad of other facts. Nothing was the truth. He failed to disclose that he was a convicted child molester and bigamist. He defrauded Ms. Lewis of approximately $4,000. Lewis was clear that she would not have had sexual intercourse with Jordan if she had known the facts. She also indicated that she made an attempt to secure information on Google, but nothing came up until she ultimately learned his accurate name.

Although the bail in Jordan’s criminal case contains a “no contact” provision, Ms. Lewis wanted the added insurance that a perpetual restraining order would provide to her and her children. She was concerned about the possibility of future contact by a child molester who should have been prohibited from establishing initial contact under Megan’s Law. The British authorities deported Jordan from the UK after he served his sentence, but no notice made its way to Megan’s List.

The attorney representing Jordan, Karen Thek, stated early on that Jordan would invoke his fifth amendment rights and not testify. So the hearing was brief with only the claims of Ms. Lewis before the judge.

Judge Condemns the Victim

Although New Jersey law states clearly that the behavior of the accused is on trial, not the behavior of the victim, Judge Tomasello turned the proceedings into a condemnation of Lewis’s behavior, faulting her for a “deficiency in gullibility” because she “relied on his representations,” as if fraud was not a serious crime. He even made light of her predicament by saying “every college student would go to jail” if he upheld her claim, and he failed to acknowledge the specific section of law which Gregory quoted. Although Jordan had concealed convictions for bigamy and sexual molestation of a minor, Tomasello harped on his not being “wealthy” or having a “nice car” as not being worthy of the protection Lewis sought. She had made no reference whatsoever to Jordan’s wealth or his possession of an automobile. In fact, she later indicated that he had no car during portions of their relationship.

Sex As an Entitlement 

Judge Tomasello revealed much about his own personal beliefs in what he said today. He obviously feels, like so many others, that sex by deception by frat boys is perfectly okay. So much so that he’d deliberately fail to protect a woman with children from further contact by a sex offender in order to enable sex as an entitlement and a commodity behavior. How can society hope to stop this abhorrent mindset if our judges can’t be counted on to protect a victim’s right to self determination over their intimate sexual sanctity?

Misogyny Kills

This same mindset is thought to have motivated Elliot Rodger into unspeakable carnage recently in Santa Barbara CA, where 6 innocent victims were killed and 8 more were injured because he was unable to obtain the sexual relations he felt entitled to.  Yes, he was emotionally disturbed. Yes, he should not have had access to the weapons that enabled his rampage. But sex as an entitlement is rampart in our society, and Judge Tomasello just demonstrated why.

Surely, our Judges should concern themselves with protection against defrauding people of sex. Knowing consent is at the heart of all valid and legal interaction in all other interpersonal relationships. Why does a judge turn a deaf ear toward the deliberate undermining of knowing consent when a person’s sexual sanctity is compromised, particularly in an enlightened state where affirmative permission must be granted for sexual intercourse to be legal, and no affirmative permission can exist without the presence of knowing consent.

William Allen Jordan, Accused CAD, Locked Up in NJ!

New Jersey women can sleep easier tonight knowing that Florence police stepped forward to protect their sexual sanctity. William Allen Jordan, a convicted pedophile and bigamist, was handcuffed and detained for, among other crimes, "sexual assault by coercion."

Jordan, also known as William Allen, Liam Allen, and Will Jordan is the subject of the book, "The Bigamist, The True Story of a Husband's Ultimate Betrayal," by Mary Turner Thomson.

The victim, who was present during the NJ arrest, commented that Jordan "hardly showed emotion" as officers led him to their squad car. Once she uncovered his con, and understood the harm he'd dealt her throughout several months of fraud, she bravely became bait to set up his arrest.

Jordan, who served time for molesting the 13 year old daughter of a former "love interest," allegedly created a hoax to ensnare this mother of a 13 year old girl into a sexual relationship. She got wise to him, but not before he allegedly conned her out of several thousands of dollars.

Additional information available on LoveFraud.
http://www.lovefraud.com/2014/04/24/lovefraud-con-man-william-allen-jordan-busted-by-his-latest-victim-in-new-jersey/

Is Rape Law Still in the Dark Ages?

A new case in New Jersey, over the behavior of William Allen Jordan, will soon test that concept. 

Enforcers will determine whether rape law protects a person’s right to self determination over their personal sexual intimacy. They could decide that choice simply does not matter at all, or they could protect the victim’s entitlement to choice based on the same rights granted in every other human interaction.

Way back when Rome ruled the world, rape was established as a crime only when a woman who was a virgin, and not a slave, was victimized. “Harm” was allocated to the owner of her virginity, the head of her household, and our laws have not progressed much from there.

Today, some states have laws to protect married women from being hoodwinked into sexual intercourse with a man who pretends to be her husband, but those same states fail to apply the same principal to an unmarried woman if a man pretends to be her boyfriend. Impostor rape, also known as rape by fraud, where biographical information is fraudulent, is the same in both situations. But it is treated as a crime against a married woman only because her husband is cheated of his wife's purity. 

The egregious concept behind this misguided mindset is that defrauding a married woman commits adultery against her husband and is, therefore, a criminal offense. Rape law fails to recognize that the woman’s marital status, and who the offender pretended to be are irrelevant. That they pretended to be a person they were not robbed the victim of the “knowing consent” they were entitled to in deciding who to engage in sex with.

Most states have yet to recognize or embrace the real harm in rape….. the violation of one’s most intimate core, the breach of self determination regarding one’s own personal sexuality. Our laws struggle with concepts that dance around what rape really is. Instead, they focus on what penetrates, where it penetrates, how it penetrates and who it penetrates. They hark back to the origins of the laws with little concern to the real victim of the crime. They lack the simple concept that any sexual penetration without “knowing consent,” is rape. 

Criminal code for invading a person’s integrity abound in every other aspect of human interaction. One can be punished for achieving personal gain through assault, coercion, fraud, deceit, theft, robbery, or any means that breaches the “covenant of good faith” or “knowing consent” between two parties. If a person lied about biographical information to consummate a business transaction, criminal code exists to recognize and penalize such wrongdoing as fraud. But to lie about biographical information to defraud a victim of sex is blithely treated as the “puffery” of seduction, as if property has more value to a person than their basic and most intimate sexual autonomy.

Rape never goes away. The victim carries a sense of defilement in their psyche for a lifetime. People who are raped are thirteen times more apt to commit suicide than people who are not. It’s time to speak out and let our lawmakers know that all types of rape…..  by assault, by treachery, date rape, statutory rape, rape by mental incapacity- whether permanent or temporary, rape by fraud or deceit, and rape by coercion, should all be punishable offenses throughout a moral society.

We will soon know whether the laws in New Jersey protect a woman's right to knowingly choose who they have sex with or not. Stay tuned for the results.

Can "The Bachelor" teach us about the power of oxytocin?

This season's "The Bachelor" conveyed a troubled scenario that frequently occurs but is rarely understood. Most young romantics are unaware that "chemistry" is actually taking place during seduction. The neurotransmitter, oxytocin, is released internally, within our brains, as the result of affection. And this "chemical" reaction cleaves us to our love interests. Romantic love is actually a form of addiction.

If we consciously imbibed a chemical to make our brain feel a certain way, we could recognize and stop the process. But when the chemical we are reacting to is hidden from our view, we don't even comprehend that it's motivating us.

Juan Pablo is a master of seduction. His gaze, stroking a woman's face, (which he frequently does whenever she has something meaningful to say...and particularly, that he wants to avoid), other kind, trust building gestures are designed to melt away objection and create a sense of bonding. It's not a bad thing.... in fact, we would never create families without it. It can be misused, however, and also, misjudged.

Everyone wants to be loved. It's inherent in our nature. And we all have differing levels of oxytocin production, and differing reactions to it. Some of the women, Andi and Sharlene in particular, went through a tug of war between what they cerebrally comprehended, and what JP's seductive behavior made them feel. In the end, these two women were able to distance themselves from the shallowness of the relationship. But even for them, the battle going on in their psyche was painful.

JP probably did Clare a huge favor. And it's likely he did so because he sensed that she could not be strung along for as long as he can fool Nicky. Clare was more outspoken about the mixed signals she received from him. He likely senses Nicky's love for him as more "unconditional." JP simply dismisses the rejection of the women who don't love him "unconditionally." Why would he care that they reject him because his own attachment lacks depth, as one can clearly see in how distanced and disconnected he was toward Clare's admonishment at the end.

JP's agenda has more to do with a "Mom" for his daughter, than "love" from him. Is he capable of "loving" Nicky? His inability to express it should run up the red flag, With sufficient exposure to a lack of validation, she might sober up, but it will be immensely heart wrenching.

Join the fight to combat RAPE by FRAUD or DECEIT from state to state.

You can register your information and indicate any skills you possess that can enable us to bring this problem to the forefront. Please indicate if you have media contacts or contacts with legislators in your state. Also, sorely needed are people who have writing talent and people who can make phone calls.

The registration list will remain private and will not appear on this site.

Lastly, positive reviews on Amazon and/or Goodreads will help get the point across to the media. Your review would be greatly appreciated.

Like love, CAD can be both a noun and a verb!

LOVE is expressed as both the feeling of caring as well as the action we take to convey that feeling.

CAD, can be used both to define the individual who harms another by employing Carnal Abuse by Deceit to breach knowledgeable consent for sexual intercourse, as well as the action taking place. When a predator lies to induce another to perform the sex act, they are a "cad" and they are "cadding" their victim. When those lies involve "impostering", claiming identity characteristics that are false, they are conducting "rape by fraud."

So why don't victims readily identify this abuse and exit the relationship?

While the reaction to betrayal can differ from person to person, basic brain chemistry can explain the toxic glue that often binds.

Our brain manufactures chemicals to cleave us to a love interest. It's natures way of providing nurture for our developing offspring. For some, these chemicals can be more intense than for others, depending on both our nature and our nurture. When betrayal is discovered, the brain can undergo "shock" in much the same way it reacts to physical pain.

With physical pain, adrenaline can mask suffering, and in betrayal, the brain can also play tricks on us.

In particular, oxytocin provides us with trust and affection when we sense the presence of our love interest. Even when we know that we have been conned, their scent, their sound, their image will continue bonding us. Romantic love is a form of addiction; we have become physically "addicted" to that person.

When an alcoholic attempts to end their chemical reliance on alcohol, its absence causes them to crave. In much the same way, elimination of oxytocin and other neurotransmitters that functioned as a result of affection causes craving and longing. It's this heightened desire that acts like a toxic bond.

Today, we have a variety of methods for eliminating cravings to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Once, the only solution was "cold turkey;" the ability to use intensely focused will power to cease dependence. Modern neuroscience has yet to offer the magic pill that will enable us to combat toxic bonds.

The ability to recognize and live in the reality, combined with therapy, support of friends and family, activities to enhance our self esteem and kick up our "endorphin" levels, implementing a policy of "No Contact" with the offender, and when prescribed, the use of anti-depressants to help us through, could propel us back onto an emotionally stable path.

Does Love Potion #9 Really Exist?

The hit record written by Leiber & Stoller back in 1959, Love Potion #9, was originally recorded by The Clovers and published by the Aberbach brothers who owned Hill & Range Songs Inc. It’s been covered by over twenty five other artists since its original release. Although it’s a spoof on a chemical concoction that makes people fall in love, it’s not so far from the truth.

Romantic love has recently been shown to be a chemical addiction, similar to drugs and alcohol, but, when all goes well, it supports life instead of diminishing it. The chief chemical component in romantic love is oxytocin, a neurotransmitter produced in the brain that creates a sense of trust and cleaves us to our love interests. When we are betrayed, although we may feel abused and defiled, we can continue clinging to the offender because of our need to replace that “loved” feeling. The immediate cessation of the chemicals we recognize as love, may cause us to long for the treacherous culprit just like an alcoholic craves a drink.

“No Contact” is all about getting rid of the desire and longing that comes with separation. The victim must be able to gain perspective that enables them to see the forest, not just the trees. The bigger picture, the moral depravation of the betraying party, is far too important to allow ourselves to camouflage their actions by attributing good feelings to them. It is too easy for a predator to misuse our brain chemistry to wangle their way back into our lives.

Interestingly, the Aberbach fortune existed in the backdrop of the harm I was dealt. They owned a 50% share of Elvis Presley, 10% of the Beatles, and 75% of the music coming out of Nashville. My ex was harbored by Jean Aberbach's widow as he abandoned my child and defrauded me of child support. The irony of oxytocin being akin to Love Potion #9 is particularly poignant for me. 

Differing Paths to Get That Predator Out of Your Life

The best known ways to break free of a predator are to either eliminate all contact or minimize all emotion in dealing with them. Here are the hows and whys of each method.

NO CONTACT

Romantic love is a form of addiction. Our brains are wired to cleave to our love interests through the production of brain chemistry. It enables us to be trusting and responsive to the voice, smell and touch of another. The most critical chemical component in love is oxytocin, a neurotransmitter. Interestingly, a lack of this same chemical produces the failure of affective empathy to develop in young children and produces the character disorders we know as Cluster B personalities.

When we have contact with a love interest, even one in which betrayal has taken place, our oxytocin receptors begin to operate. We fall back into the patterns of bonding, and have a difficult time suppressing the longing that develops. Part of why we return to a predatory relationship is because our chemical longing for romantic love has yet to subside. Reverting to the predator, even momentarily, sets our oxytocin receptors into motion and prolongs the time frame in which we feel longing.

An alcoholic would consciously recognize their need for a drink to stabilize their craving. But the craving for romantic love lies totally behind our consciousness in the recesses of our brain. If we were alcoholics craving a drink, ultimately the cure would be to remove ourselves from all alcohol consumption because we would have a difficult time controlling our attachment. The same is true for eliminating the attachment to a relationship.

No Contact is the most effective means to break away. It's like going "cold turkey" if you were to quit smoking. Your nicotine attachment would eventually wane and you would begin to feel normal in time. For anyone whose relationship with a predator was not encumbered by business attachments, monetary interests or mutual children to raise, No Contact is the most powerful tool to separate quickly and entirely.

GRAY ROCK

What's the image that comes to mind when you think of a big, gray rock? If it's "boring" you're catching on! Morally disordered predators derive their jollies by getting a rise out of you. They don't care if its good or bad, as long as it's something. Their interest is control and making you do something, anything, feeds their ego. Some disordered folks would prefer the negative, rather than the positive response, even if it hurts them. They receive greater satisfaction in being hurt, than being ignored. So thinking that exploding or unloading will negatively impact them, is untrue.

Ever hear of the law of the soggy potato chip? Here's how it works....

If a small child sits facing you and you hold a piece of candy in one hand and a soggy potato chip in the other, which would they reach out for? By and large, it would be the piece of candy. If you hold a soggy potato chip in one hand and nothing in the other what will they do? The likelihood is that they'll reach for the soggy potato chip.

Like a small child, a "Cluster B" will take any control over your behavior that you give them, good, bad or indifferent. Instead of giving them control, you need to become a big, gray rock. Gray rocks don't give anything. They are simply there, but "there "is a state of neither positive nor negative acknowledgement.

Some instances in which gray rocking is the necessary path to emotional separation include co-parenting, involvement in a business relationship, or when it is necessary to have contact during a divorce. Remember that nothing compels you to answer them or respond, even if they ask a question. It should become pretty clear that you have no interest in engaging when your only response is "Is that all?" You can create a third party entity who can handle your required discussions such as an attorney, family member or friend. Any responses that must be made can be funneled through that person.

Remember that the opposite of love is not hate, it's ambivalence. Reacting to their treachery gives them the concept that you are still attached no matter what form that reaction takes. Ambivalence is your strongest weapon.

Whether Rape by Fraud Is Penalized Depends on Where It Happens!

As far back as 1865, rape by fraud was recognized as a heinous act in the state of Michigan. In People vs. Croswald the high court upheld the defendant’s conviction for rape by fraud and stated “the outrage upon the woman is just as great in these cases as if actual force had been employed.”

Ironically, the act of obtaining intercourse through material and false misrepresentations, rape by fraud, is only penalized in a few states. And the act of misleading a person to elicit love and affection, emotional rape, is not penalized at all.

Law Professor Susan Estrich staunchly advocated for rape laws to prohibit the same deceptions as a state’s laws of false pretenses or fraud. In all states, adult impersonation qualifies as a material fraud. 

Professor Estrich authored Real Rape, the first meaningful book to shed light on rape by fraud, is a noted political commentator for Fox News, the 1988 National Campaign Manager Dukakis-Bentsen, and the first female President of the Harvard Law Review, 

Some states penalize fraud in the factum while others prosecute fraud in the inducement. Fraud in the factum occurs when the victim is deceived that sexual intercourse is taking place. If a doctor indicates he's inserting a medical instrument but inserts his penis instead, he's conducting fraud in the factum. Fraud in the inducement would occur when the victim is fooled about the identity or some aspect of the identity of their sexual partner.

The following is the status of criminality for rape by fraud  in various states:

• Alabama-        Sexual Misconduct when consent is obtained by any fraud or artifice
• Arizona-          Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
• California        Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
• Hawaii-            Penalizes intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by ruse. Abolished distinction between fraud in the factum and fraud in the inducement.
• Idaho               Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
• Michigan         Penalizes intercourse obtained by concealment
• Nebraska         Fraud in the factum (nature of the act). Penalizes intercourse obtained by deception as to the identity of the actor such as a person who poses as a fiance, husband or lover.  
• Nevada           Supreme Court ruling, McNair vs. State- Sexual assault language is sufficiently broad  and explicit to encompass conduct occurring as a result of fraud & deceit.
• New Jersey      Penalizes Fraud in the factum (nature of the act.) An overhaul of their criminal code eliminated the term "rape" in 2012. Currently, the terms "Sexual Assault" and "Sexual Contact" supplant "rape." Additional language states that affirmative permission to the specific act of sexual penetration or contact must be perceived as such by a reasonable person.  (The Criminal Law Digest of the State of NJ.) Watch for breaking updates for this state regarding the arrest of William Allen Jordan, a convicted sexual molester and bigamist. Additionally, victims of "sexual assault" in this state are entitled to a restraining order against the offender based on "Nicole's Law."
• Rhode Island   Prohibits intercourse obtained by concealment
• Tennessee       Prohibits intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by  ruse. Abolished distinction between fraud in the factum and fraud in the inducement.  A child who is a victim of statutory rape can be considered an  accomplice in their own rape, nullifying the statutory rape charge against the  accused.
• Utah                Penalizes intercourse obtained by concealment
• Virginia            Prohibits intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by  ruse.

POST HERE- Advice for CAD victims by Psychiatrists, Therapists, Psychologists and other Advocates

Very little awareness or information exists for victims of CAD behavior. If you are seeking help or if you have advice to share, please do so here. Professionals may identify themselves and their credentials.

POST HERE to Tell Your Story

Relating what happened to you is a meaningful way to make sense of it all and gain clarity. Doing so can help ease the pain and anger. It can help to empower you once again.

The confusion one feels from being CADded makes recovery difficult as unconnected bits and pieces enter our thoughts for fleeting, sometimes depressing, and sometimes enraging moments. Our psyches tend to hold onto and ruminate over portions without gaining the insight that is needed to connect the dots and move on.

Seeing your story written down will assure you that you can separate from your painful thoughts without forgetting, allowing you space in your mind to let joy into your life once again. You can always return to the story and reprocess it as more of the pieces become clear.

The kindest and most forgiving of people are the easiest marks for predators. You should not assume that becoming a victim is something you did wrong.

Create a different name for both you and the predator in your life. This can help you see yourself more clearly and find the feelings and pain you could be suppressing.  It can also protect you from backlash that may result from your tale.

In addition to telling your story, with assumed names, be sure to post the specific true details of the person who you believe CADded you under the post: Stop a CAD in their tracks. This post does not determine whether a CAD occurred. Rather, it identifies factual information about people who are listed there in order to deter their ability to CAD someone in the future.

I wish you success on your journey toward recovery and provide you the first line for your story-

                         I was CADded. Here's what happened. I...........

Are all cads CADs?

There are loads of cads who use outright distortion and lies to seduce their intended victims. The difference between a "cad" and a "CAD" is the use of Carnal Abusive Deceit to seduce.

CADding, creating an "imposter" persona, is an insidious form of rape known as rape-by-fraud.

A CAD disguises their actual identity by claiming false characteristics such as age, religion, education, marital status, military service, etc. In consentual sex, the expectation is of shared intimacy, but in rape-by-fraud, the perpetrator receives the intimacy that their victim grants them in exchange for defilement. The true identity of the sexual partner is unknown. Once discovered, the complexity of the sham can create immense damage to the victim.

The impact of the betrayal can be devastating and produce the reaction of Post Traumatic Rape Syndrome. Despite that the victim was not physically overpowered for sex, they were defrauded of sex. Their intimacy was stolen through a ruse by a person other than the one their intimacy was intended for.