Monday, December 16, 2013

Does Love Potion #9 Really Exist?

The hit record written by Leiber & Stoller back in 1959, Love Potion #9, was originally recorded by The Clovers and published by the Aberbach brothers who owned Hill & Range Songs Inc. It’s been covered by over twenty five other artists since its original release. Although it’s a spoof on a chemical concoction that makes people fall in love, it’s not so far from the truth.

Romantic love has recently been shown to be a chemical addiction, similar to drugs and alcohol, but, when all goes well, it supports life instead of diminishing it. The chief chemical component in romantic love is oxytocin, a neurotransmitter produced in the brain that creates a sense of trust and cleaves us to our love interests. When we are betrayed, although we may feel abused and defiled, we can continue clinging to the offender because of our need to replace that “loved” feeling. The immediate cessation of the chemicals we recognize as love, may cause us to long for the treacherous culprit just like an alcoholic craves a drink.

“No Contact” is all about getting rid of the desire and longing that comes with separation. The victim must be able to gain perspective that enables them to see the forest, not just the trees. The bigger picture, the moral depravation of the betraying party, is far too important to allow ourselves to camouflage their actions by attributing good feelings to them. It is too easy for a predator to misuse our brain chemistry to wangle their way back into our lives.

Interestingly, the Aberbach fortune existed in the backdrop of the harm I was dealt. They owned a 50% share of Elvis Presley, 10% of the Beatles, and 75% of the music coming out of Nashville. My ex was harbored by Jean Aberbach's widow as he abandoned my child and defrauded me of child support. The irony of oxytocin being akin to Love Potion #9 is particularly poignant for me. 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Differing Paths to Get That Predator Out of Your Life

The best known ways to break free of a predator are to either eliminate all contact or minimize all emotion in dealing with them. Here are the hows and whys of each method.


Romantic love is a form of addiction. Our brains are wired to cleave to our love interests through the production of brain chemistry. It enables us to be trusting and responsive to the voice, smell and touch of another. The most critical chemical component in love is oxytocin, a neurotransmitter. Interestingly, a lack of this same chemical produces the failure of affective empathy to develop in young children and produces the character disorders we know as Cluster B personalities.

When we have contact with a love interest, even one in which betrayal has taken place, our oxytocin receptors begin to operate. We fall back into the patterns of bonding, and have a difficult time suppressing the longing that develops. Part of why we return to a predatory relationship is because our chemical longing for romantic love has yet to subside. Reverting to the predator, even momentarily, sets our oxytocin receptors into motion and prolongs the time frame in which we feel longing.

An alcoholic would consciously recognize their need for a drink to stabilize their craving. But the craving for romantic love lies totally behind our consciousness in the recesses of our brain. If we were alcoholics craving a drink, ultimately the cure would be to remove ourselves from all alcohol consumption because we would have a difficult time controlling our attachment. The same is true for eliminating the attachment to a relationship.

No Contact is the most effective means to break away. It's like going "cold turkey" if you were to quit smoking. Your nicotine attachment would eventually wane and you would begin to feel normal in time. For anyone whose relationship with a predator was not encumbered by business attachments, monetary interests or mutual children to raise, No Contact is the most powerful tool to separate quickly and entirely.


What's the image that comes to mind when you think of a big, gray rock? If it's "boring" you're catching on! Morally disordered predators derive their jollies by getting a rise out of you. They don't care if its good or bad, as long as it's something. Their interest is control and making you do something, anything, feeds their ego. Some disordered folks would prefer the negative, rather than the positive response, even if it hurts them. They receive greater satisfaction in being hurt, than being ignored. So thinking that exploding or unloading will negatively impact them, is untrue.

Ever hear of the law of the soggy potato chip? Here's how it works....

If a small child sits facing you and you hold a piece of candy in one hand and a soggy potato chip in the other, which would they reach out for? By and large, it would be the piece of candy. If you hold a soggy potato chip in one hand and nothing in the other what will they do? The likelihood is that they'll reach for the soggy potato chip.

Like a small child, a "Cluster B" will take any control over your behavior that you give them, good, bad or indifferent. Instead of giving them control, you need to become a big, gray rock. Gray rocks don't give anything. They are simply there, but "there "is a state of neither positive nor negative acknowledgement.

Some instances in which gray rocking is the necessary path to emotional separation include co-parenting, involvement in a business relationship, or when it is necessary to have contact during a divorce. Remember that nothing compels you to answer them or respond, even if they ask a question. It should become pretty clear that you have no interest in engaging when your only response is "Is that all?" You can create a third party entity who can handle your required discussions such as an attorney, family member or friend. Any responses that must be made can be funneled through that person.

Remember that the opposite of love is not hate, it's ambivalence. Reacting to their treachery gives them the concept that you are still attached no matter what form that reaction takes. Ambivalence is your strongest weapon.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Whether Rape by Fraud Is Penalized Depends on Where It Happens!

As far back as 1865, rape by fraud was recognized as a heinous act in the state of Michigan. In People vs. Croswald the high court upheld the defendant’s conviction for rape by fraud and stated “the outrage upon the woman is just as great in these cases as if actual force had been employed.”
Ironically, the act of obtaining intercourse through material and false misrepresentations, rape by fraud, is only penalized in a few states. And the act of misleading a person to elicit love and affection, emotional rape, is not penalized at all.

Law Professor Susan Estrich staunchly advocated for rape laws to prohibit the same deceptions as a state’s laws of false pretenses or fraud. In all states, adult impersonation qualifies as a material fraud. 

Professor Estrich authored Real Rape, the first meaningful book to shed light on rape by fraud, is a noted political commentator for Fox News, the 1988 National Campaign Manager Dukakis-Bentsen, and the first female President of the Harvard Law Review

Some states penalize fraud in the factum while others prosecute fraud in the inducement. Fraud in the factum occurs when the victim is deceived that sexual intercourse is taking place. If a doctor indicates he's inserting a medical instrument but inserts his penis instead, he's conducting fraud in the factum. Fraud in the inducement would occur when the victim is fooled about the identity or some aspect of the identity of their sexual partner.
The following is the status of criminality for rape by fraud  in various states:

  • Alabama-        Sexual Misconduct when consent is obtained by any fraud or artifice
  • Arizona-          Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
  • California        Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
  • Hawaii-            Penalizes intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by ruse. Abolished distinction between fraud in the factum and fraud in the inducement.
  • Idaho               Fraud in the factum (nature of the act)
  • Michigan         Penalizes intercourse obtained by concealment
  • Nebraska         Fraud in the factum (nature of the act). Penalizes intercourse obtained by deception as to the identity of the actor such as a person who poses as a fiance, husband or lover.  
  • Nevada           Supreme Court ruling, McNair vs. State- Sexual assault language is sufficiently broad  and explicit to encompass conduct occurring as a result of fraud & deceit.
  • New Jersey      Penalizes Fraud in the factum (nature of the act.) An overhaul of their criminal code eliminated the term "rape" in 2012. Currently, the terms "Sexual Assault" and "Sexual Contact" supplant "rape." Additional language states that affirmative permission to the specific act of sexual penetration or contact must be perceived as such by a reasonable person.  (The Criminal Law Digest of the State of NJ.) Watch for breaking updates for this state regarding the arrest of William Allen Jordan, a convicted sexual molester and bigamist. Additionally, victims of "sexual assault" in this state are entitled to a restraining order against the offender based on "Nicole's Law."
  • Rhode Island   Prohibits intercourse obtained by concealment
  • Tennessee       Prohibits intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by  ruse. Abolished distinction between fraud in the factum and fraud in the inducement.  A child who is a victim of statutory rape can be considered an  accomplice in their own rape, nullifying the statutory rape charge against the  accused.
  • Utah                Penalizes intercourse obtained by concealment
  • Virginia            Prohibits intercourse induced by deception, accomplished by fraud and obtained by  ruse.

Friday, February 15, 2013

POST HERE- Advice for CAD victims by Psychiatrists, Therapists, Psychologists and other Advocates

Very little awareness or information exists for victims of CAD behavior. If you are seeking help or if you have advice to share, please do so here. Professionals may identify themselves and their credentials.

POST HERE to Tell Your Story

Relating what happened to you is a meaningful way to make sense of it all and gain clarity. Doing so can help ease the pain and anger. It can help to empower you once again.

The confusion one feels from being CADded makes recovery difficult as unconnected bits and pieces enter our thoughts for fleeting, sometimes depressing, and sometimes enraging moments. Our psyches tend to hold onto and ruminate over portions without gaining the insight that is needed to connect the dots and move on.

Seeing your story written down will assure you that you can separate from your painful thoughts without forgetting, allowing you space in your mind to let joy into your life once again. You can always return to the story and reprocess it as more of the pieces become clear.

The kindest and most forgiving of people are the easiest marks for predators. You should not assume that becoming a victim is something you did wrong.

Create a different name for both you and the predator in your life. This can help you see yourself more clearly and find the feelings and pain you could be suppressing.  It can also protect you from backlash that may result from your tale.

In addition to telling your story, with assumed names, be sure to post the specific true details of the person who you believe CADded you under the post: Stop a CAD in their tracks. This post does not determine whether a CAD occurred. Rather, it identifies factual information about people who are listed there in order to deter their ability to CAD someone in the future.

I wish you success on your journey toward recovery and provide you the first line for your story-

                         I was CADded. Here's what happened. I...........

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Are all cads CADs?

There are loads of cads who use outright distortion and lies to seduce their intended victims. The difference between a "cad" and a "CAD" is the use of Carnal Abusive Deceit to seduce.

CADding, creating an "imposter" persona, is an insidious form of rape known as rape-by-fraud.

A CAD disguises their actual identity by claiming false characteristics such as age, religion, education, marital status, military service, etc. In consentual sex, the expectation is of shared intimacy, but in rape-by-fraud, the perpetrator receives the intimacy that their victim grants them in exchange for defilement. The true identity of the sexual partner is unknown. Once discovered, the complexity of the sham can create immense damage to the victim.

The impact of the betrayal can be devastating and produce the reaction of Post Traumatic Rape Syndrome. Despite that the victim was not physically overpowered for sex, they were defrauded of sex. Their intimacy was stolen through a ruse by a person other than the one their intimacy was intended for.