Friday, February 7, 2014

Like love, CAD can be both a noun and a verb!

LOVE is expressed as both the feeling of caring as well as the action we take to convey that feeling.

CAD, can be used both to define the individual who harms another by employing Carnal Abuse by Deceit to breach knowledgeable consent for sexual intercourse, as well as the action taking place. When a predator lies to induce another to perform the sex act, they are a "cad" and they are "cadding" their victim. When those lies involve "impostering", claiming identity characteristics that are false, they are conducting "rape by fraud."

So why don't victims readily identify this abuse and exit the relationship?

While the reaction to betrayal can differ from person to person, basic brain chemistry can explain the toxic glue that often binds.

Our brain manufactures chemicals to cleave us to a love interest. It's natures way of providing nurture for our developing offspring. For some, these chemicals can be more intense than for others, depending on both our nature and our nurture. When betrayal is discovered, the brain can undergo "shock" in much the same way it reacts to physical pain.

With physical pain, adrenaline can mask suffering, and in betrayal, the brain can also play tricks on us.

In particular, oxytocin provides us with trust and affection when we sense the presence of our love interest. Even when we know that we have been conned, their scent, their sound, their image will continue bonding us. Romantic love is a form of addiction; we have become physically "addicted" to that person.

When an alcoholic attempts to end their chemical reliance on alcohol, its absence causes them to crave. In much the same way, elimination of oxytocin and other neurotransmitters that functioned as a result of affection causes craving and longing. It's this heightened desire that acts like a toxic bond.

Today, we have a variety of methods for eliminating cravings to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. Once, the only solution was "cold turkey;" the ability to use intensely focused will power to cease dependence. Modern neuroscience has yet to offer the magic pill that will enable us to combat toxic bonds.

The ability to recognize and live in the reality, combined with therapy, support of friends and family, activities to enhance our self esteem and kick up our "endorphin" levels, implementing a policy of "No Contact" with the offender, and when prescribed, the use of anti-depressants to help us through, could propel us back onto an emotionally stable path.

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